Interesting first hand experience on how people can change within a few years, even the most naive one. Maybe i always had the wrong impression and resulting in somewhat a shock but all in all maybe it doesn't matter, there's no thread leading to anything. there never was just active imagination on my part.
Maybe it was my own fault looking for stuff in such determined way, too much of a good 'digger', didn't quite like what i found though what i found is not ensured, nevertheless, emotion, emotion, doesn't matter how much one tries to suppress it, it has a mind of its own, it can't be controlled, soon or latter it surfaces; but what then?
Indeed, attraction is a wonderful but cruel thing, really knows no bounds, no tim frame, ignorance of all restrictions, the cruel thing been that human beings always want what we can't have.
Attraction is the mystery that can't be solved in its entirety, there's always times when certain attraction is unexplainable, doesn't matter how much one digs within oneself, tis there, can't get rid of it, can't settle for embracing it for the danger and impact that come with such embracement (geez, is that even a word?)
so what's one to do but wait, or in most cases suffer and ride it out, and let go.
the lesson of letting go is the most difficult plan to put in action, yet it has to be done.